The words we speak to ourselves are so important! I tend to worry a lot about all the terrible things that could happen to the people I love most. I do not watch the news because I can’t handle the gory details of this world. Surprisingly enough though I love to watch docudramas about murders and true crime shows....which probably isn’t a good thing for me. One of the things that I have noticed that when my life gets in a position where everything falls into place and I am doing great, something outrageous happens and I have to drop everything and deal with it. I don’t think I’m being singled out as a human to be shit on. I do know that everyone goes through trials from time to time. One thing I’ve really been yearning for is to have a successful career and make enough money to do amazing things! Kevin and I had a successful business but owning a veterinary clinic was his dream not mine. It seems like every time I tried to venture out on my own and do something work related that stimulated my soul, something would happen at the clinic that would demand my attention and keep me there. I’d go into the gorey details but at this point they don’t really matter. Just when I was finding my voice in blogging and loving every second of living, Kevin died which through a damper on things but I kept going.....it’s been like that. I get going in my massage business and actually thriving and loving life then my mom dies. Sometimes I scratch my head and think WTF. I mean, death isn’t always the outcome but it has been in a couple cases....there’s been minor setbacks too. I’ve been talking with my life coach about my career goals and she asked me what I thought was holding me back and I told her just that.....”I’m scared. Every time I get going and think I have things figured out and I’m on my way, something shitty happens so it’s easier to do nothing” which is true. She suggested I find a mantra to repeat to change my thinking. I thought about it for a few days and remembered that a new friend of mine had shared her mantra at a gathering I attended. I stole it. Last night I was thinking I stole her mantra but not like a armed thief more like a mischievous imp. That’s just funner. So now when my mind wanders and I think of what crappy event could come along and knock my feet out from under me I repeat this until those feelings pass....”everything is always working out for me”. Most of the time, the uneasy feelings come over me after I lay down to go to sleep. At times, I actually have to close my eyes and wrap up in my sheets and hang on for dear life like I did when I was a scared little girl. One would think a person would grow out of that but not me! I sleep with a night light on too. I was having trouble remembering to lean on my mantra so I made a sign visible from my bed.....
Sometimes I crawl in and just stare at it. It’s starting to sink in. And some setbacks aren’t that bad. I’ve learned some of my greatest life lessons from things that haven’t gone my way. There’s always a lesson to be learned, right?....a take away? I’m ready for smooth sailing though ! Today, my schedule is packed with work and tomorrow it is too! It makes my heart happy. One thing I love about being a massage therapist is that I lose myself in my job so the time flies and when I am finished the people are relaxed and happy and adore me. It’s not like working at all! You know what else I was thinking this morning?? I was so scared about Sam graduating last May and wondering what I would do after having kids to take care of for the past 30 years.....this morning I realized that I LOVE not having to wake anyone up in the morning. I absolutely LOVE it! And with my job I can set my own hours so I don’t have to get up if I don’t want to. This morning I didn’t want to. So that’s really working out! It’s a good thing! I’m really thinking everything is always working out for me today!
Do you have a mantra? If so tell me!
Peace and love to you on this beautiful day! Enjoy!