I'm happy today! It's Asa's birthday. I love Asa's birthday. Last night I went Cristmas shopping with a friend whom I had been missing very much. It was nice. and it was fun even though we shopped until the stores closed and we kind of had to be told to leave. The store guy was all like, "Hey we are closing. Get out of here!" and we were like, "Who? Us? and he said, "yes. leave!" So we paid for our stuff and left and I thought to myself, "He'll miss us." I wonder if he is today. Don't you just love being with a friend who just makes you feel good and beautiful and lovely and happy? I do. Anyway, we stayed out late enjoying our awesome selves and Emily kept texting me to come home. I kept saying I would be there soon and finally at 1 in the morning I came home. All the kids were in the kitchen playing farkle together....and they all were so happy to see me. I told Asa "Happy Birthday!!" and he hugged me so hard he picked me up a little bit. His girlfriend, Beautiful Lauren, was on her way to our house so they wanted to wait for her and then open his presents. I agreed even though I really was actually plum tuckered out at that point. So I layed in my bed and listened to my kids laugh and talk and it was nice because they were enjoying themselves and they sounded like actual friends and not only brothers and sister's who are sometimes forced to be together. Every once in awhile one of them would come peak in my door and say, "Mama, don't fall asleep" and I would say, "I'm not going to." After awhile I was all like, "Good Lord. I am awake. I'll get up when Lauren gets here...Now leave me the f alone." Lauren finally got here and I went to the kitchen and we sang Happy Birthday and everyone laughed and and Asa opened his gifts and it was a wonderful memory that was made. I felt so blessed to have raised such wonderful people. As I looked at each one of my kids, I thought of their special attributes and realized that they got those from me!! Yay! Asa is 20 years old today. He is not a boy anymore. Emily gave him an iPod. It's good for him....not so much for me. He has always shared mine. Sometimes he hunts me down to play a song that he has been longing to hear and he'll put it in the speaker dock and play it and sing outloud. I love hearing him sing. Or he'll say, "Mama! there is a song that we need. Can I download it on iTunes?" and I'll say, "YES" so he will. He has really great taste in music. He adds so much to my library. Now he has his own iPod. He doesn't need mine....which is probably why I have never given him one. He will have his own library and won't add his music to mine. I will be flying solo with my musical interests. It's kind of sad. I wonder if he will find something else to hunt me down for. Will he still need me for anything? Will he still want to play a song or two for me? Will he ever sing for me again?? God. I hope so. I wonder what my draw for him will be now? Asa and I have always had a special bond. I now at some point soon he will be moving out and beginning his own life. He has always been my protector and I have been his. I know the seperation that will happen soon will be good for him. It's expected and necessary. But I have to admit it's scary and I know it's scary for him, too. I guess his new iPod is a good start to see what it will be like with him being on his own. WAAAAAA! Anyway, I have to get a move on....we are off to Christmas gathering at the lake with my Dad and Jo! It's one of my favorite days of the year! They always put a lot of effort into making it a special event. I have to share something with you before I go....I went to Lawrence yesterday and I stopped at a health food store. I told the lady in the dietary supplement section that my husband died, I am stressed out, and pissed off and probably a bit menopausal. I asked her if she had anything that I could take to get my body and my mind back where it should be. She recommended this:
A tiny bottle of magical stress relief. It says to put 3 dropperfuls under the tongue "to help you to forgive past injustices and move on when you feel resentful and bitter." I think it works! I showed it to Asa and he grabbed it and said, "I need that" He took a swig also. We were both happier. Maybe it was the formula or maybe it was the fact that we admitted to each other that we were feeling that way.....or maybe it is the fact that when Max tried it he said it tasted like straight up alcohol.....It kind of makes me think of Jack and his magic beans but hey, whatever it takes, right??
So here is to spending time with a friend who you long to be with, and birthdays, and Christmas gatherings, and happiness. Have a great day, People! YAY!!